In family therapy there are many such cases where the child is a “lightning rod” for the problems between parents, unlock one or another symptom. The aim of these symptoms is to distract the parents of the child to the problem, forgetting the problems between the father and mother. In this sense plays the role of symptom stabilization, bringing the family.
In our example, to get very young broken mother who suffers from the fact that professionally behind their peers, as a result of their mothers still cannot complete his magistracy. It also shows uncertainty and high anxiety as a result of its lack of experience as a mother of the boy. Nervous, irritable, uncontrollable emotion, conflicts with her husband, shows excess to the requirement of the school administration wants everything to be perfect, etc.
This area, however it is unknown now faced for the first time with new, unknown situations, no information about what is useful or harmful to the child, and situational orient himself in the words of other mothers, comparing with them or draw on the experience of his mother. Either way the mother is in a situation where the test needs support. Suddenly the child appears to be its mainstay. It is sick, it tells of strife with classmates (it was a hit offended, do not hear the teacher) gets poor evaluation. How mother react then?
Emerging and proposed by the child symptoms or situations are welcome to it. Now it is possible to proof, diffuse to direct their concerns to a specific site, to show that it is responsible. Now she is thrown to care the child. The mother received a plot of expression, to fix the child. It turns out that the symptoms of her baby it is helpful for her. Thus it continues to sit at home and has no power to develop education and careers. This is just one example showing how the family is not prepared to go through a crisis related to changes in the social life of the child and as a result appear cold and educational problems. In such situations the family returns to a state of homeostasis, stabilizing, because not yet been able to pass through a crisis or the next stage of its development.
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Another common situation is the case when his son married and brought home his wife’s parents. Situation arises where should live together several generations. Question arises: “What are the roles of the young wife in the family? Say to myself: “And we have a son, so that now we have a daughter. They see it nice – having a daughter. But things are not happening as parents’ think of her husband because of the daughter role entails obligations and responsibilities subsidiaries. In other words, the level of relationship parents have already ascribed role of the girl. However, it wants to be his daughter and family status and is a daughter and a daughter – this is something different. Furthermore, if a daughter, then what will be her husband – a sister? When it is at that level (the level of relationship, level of analog communication) such communication occurs, it may appear a source of conflict.
Another situation submitted incomplete families, for example, a family where the father is missing. Then what would be allocated in family roles? Usually the mother is with paternal role. It turns out that the mother is functionally husband in the family. Then identify the child’s mother at her grandmother – the grandmother has functional parent. This reversal of roles automatically implies the likelihood of conflict between a mother and grandmother – occurs competition between two women for the child. It asks: “Which of these two women is better? Between mother and child are also possible conflicts. The child asks: “If mothers are two, which one to listen?” And consequently it occurs disobedience, problem behavior, failure in school. The situation suddenly becomes simple: dominate old woman in the relationship with the child and the responsibility of the mother.
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Significant impact in the lives of the family has family rules and family myths. Every family has its own unique rules, which are transmitted from generation to generation. If a boy growing up in a family where the father standing on top of the hierarchy (He is the man with pants), this young man, once married, will follow the same rule – will seek to occupy this position in his family. The problem arises when his wife comes from a family where her mother was “the man with pants. Then the young lady in the new family will also seek to dominate. Occur so-called “symmetrical relationship, where the escalation of mutual struggle for power distribution is continuous and very risky.
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There is also another possibility: The girl comes from a family with his father standing on the top and it has the attitude for a similar position in their own spouse. But he comes from a family with a dominating mother. Then again arises a problem – his wife was not satisfied with her husband. She wants a strong, responsible, knowledgeable and capable husband. She did not seek a dominant position, reassigned her husband, but he is impotent to occupy it.
Family myths are another element of the structure of family relationships. Myths have always been very resistant and rigid enough too paradoxically. It is assumed that a family myth reached peak stability within three generations, then it is possible to begin to recede.
Here are some family myths:
- “Our family has always lived for others, not themselves”
- “We are a family of bohemians”
- “We are a family living kids”
- “We are a family that has always fought for justice.
- “We are a family, where our wives were always higher education.
- “We are a family of breed”
- “We’re aristocrats”
- “Our family has always suffered but survived”
- “We’re down together family
- “We are a family of heroes”
Family stories – these are topics that are built in families and may have internal and external family ancestry. May relate to the family itself or the events occurring at the time of operation of a family and have respect for them. For example, in times in which the family suffered many blows in life, such as wars, natural disasters, epidemics, repression, genocide, etc., where the family gets a lot of losses. The stories can be built and domestic issues for the family itself, e.g. Associated with mental illness, alcoholism, suicide, divorce, accidents, and positive events – successes, inventions excellence.
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